I did not post any updates in the past week so a very simple reason. I have been really depressed. After living in the UK for a year and a half I still don't feel settled. I don't like living here and would love to move. Unfortunately, my DH's pay (particularly the bonus part) is good and we simply can't afford to lose it.

I have lived in a few different countries in my life and I always felt that I can do something with that place. In Ukraine I felt that with certain adjustments I could be comfortable. In India I felt that I could live there. In fact, the UK is the first country where after living for 18 months I can decidedly state that it is a country where I don't want to live. My DH keeps saying that it is not a problem of a country but a problem of a crappy area where we live. We moved in the area where we are now for a few reasons. I was heavily pregnant when we came to London and we wanted to be close to work, so my DH can arrive home quickly if I go into labour. I used to live in this area during my student years in London, so I knew it quite well. It is also cheap, so we could afford to rent a big house. Unfortunately, this area is cheap for a reason. Few months ago we bought a house and it was a huge and very expensive mistake. It would have been cheaper just to stay in a rental house and send kids to private school. Now we are stuck here - in a tiny crappy house in a crappy community.

For all my attempts to make friends, I have not been successful. I did make a few, but now one is having a second baby and pretty much not available. The other one when back to work. The real problem is the absence of people of similar socio-economic status nearby. People living here are either on benefits, or work 24/7. There are no stay-at-home mothers here, who stay at home because they want to and not because they are so uneducated that they can't find a job. There are plenty of teenage mothers here. Teenage pregnancies are a common thing in the UK. Many girls see it as a good carrier option. Once you have a baby, the state provides you with a house and pays all you expenses including dental and eye care until your youngest kid is 16. The recent proposal to reduce the age to 11 was met with outcry. Every time I see how much taxes we pay and how little we get back from the system, i feel like packing.

I have very little in common with most of the people in this area - teenage mothers, immigrants of African-Caribbean origin, recent Polish, Lithuanian, and Somali arrivals. Local Brits here are often uneducated and uncultured. Those who are educated and cultured have to work long hours to survive in this country. Most of the time I see kids brought up by nannies. I don't have much in common with the nannies either.

The cost of living is astronomical. Even though my DH's pay went up significantly our quality of living went down. Brits I have met tend to complain a lot about everything. They are suspicious of anyone who does not speak English with their accent. If you have any kind of east European accent you get treated as a criminal who came to take advantage of their 'fantastic' health care system and social services. They are not far from off as I have seen plenty of recent immigrants sponging off the state benefit system. It does not make me feel welcomed in this country. In the past 18 months I made Indian, Hungarian and Jewish friends. I did not make a single British friend or even an acquaintance.

My social life is non-existent. I am lonely, tired of looking after kids, and bored from the mind-numbing routine. All at the same time. I hate it here.

My DH (dear husband - for those not familiar with this abbreviation) believes that all this can be at least partially solved by moving to a better area. Unfortunately, the last move was so exorbitantly expensive that we simply cannot afford another move. At the end we decided to follow our original plan and wait till Big Munchkin starts her school. I just hope that the school is as good as all reviews suggest. At least it will make everything seem a bit better.

I go to gym every morning, and when I come back Big Munchkin gives me a hug and says "I am so happy to see you. I missed you so much.". Today she messed up a bit and it came as "Mommy I am so happy to miss you".

Her backseat driving is also improving:
- Mommy, be careful! You are hurting the car (on a speed bump).
- Mommy, turn right.
- Mommy, you are going the wrong way.

76 day ago a couple of British tourists were having a nice dinner just a few minutes away from the flat where their three kids slept. They kept checking on the kids every half an hour. At one of the checks they found the door and window opened and their 4 year old daughter missing. Their 2 year old twins were still sound asleep. Madeleine McCann has disappeared from her parents' holiday apartment in Portugal. Her disappearance has been a major news in the UK. Her parents have done all humanly possible to raise awareness, but she is still missing. For me her disappearance was a huge shock. I can't help thinking that it could have been us. Normal middle class family from the UK goes for holiday to traditional British destination to a typical family resort. I know it is irrational, but I don't think I will be able to go to Portugal. Ever. Portugal for me will be forever associated with this story. Portugal is a county where little girls disappear never to be seen again. I don't think I would ever be able to go to Mark Warner resorts. Where was their security? Where were their cameras? I cannot imagine what the McCanns are going through. They vowed to remain in Portugal until Madeleine is found. I can only wish them luck.

Lately I have been trying to make some new Russian friends. I met this woman from Ukraine. She is one of those typical benefit receiving immigrants who aggravate the local population so much. No proper education. No proper jobs. They live in a council flat and fighting with the council to get a three to four bedroom council house. They don't want just some house. They want a house in a good area with a big garden. They are planning on buying out this house, as an investment property. They would then rent it out and buy another house for themselves. Their eye care and dental care is paid by the council. One of their kids goes to the nursery for free, another will start soon. She was so surprised to find out that I actually pay over 400 pounds a month for three days a week nursery care for Big Munchkin. She even asked me why do I pay so much. I was really tempted to say - because you sponge of tax paying people like us. Their rent is one fifth of my mortgage. So aggravating. People like this give bad reputation to all immigrants.

Today we decided that we should put our last few weeks of English Heritage membership to use and went to Dover Castle. The drive was relatively short and straightforward. The forecast was +24 degrees with sunny intervals and no rain. The real weather could be best described by wonderful English word - muggy. It was cold, dark, and windy with drizzling rain. I am sure Dover Castle would have made a better impression on me if the weather was a bit better. It also suffered from the high expectations caused by hype created around it.

Overall, Dover Castle was OK. It is well maintained, but it does not deserve all the hype. I would not mind returning there when kids are a bit older - maybe in another 5 or 6 years. Until then, there are better places to go.

From Dover Castle we decided to go to Walmer Castle. Unfortunately, it was closed. Deal Castle, just a few miles drive further along the coast, was a small (though well-maintained) tower. Nothing special what so ever. By the time we reached Sandwich both kids were sound asleep. We decided to drive home and let them sleep. I would not mind coming back to Sandwich. From our drive though it seems to be a nice place to have lunch, breath fresh air, and just relax.

This summer has been a summer of lost opportunities. The weather has been miserable - wet, cold and windy. It would not have been out of place in October or even November. There were hardy any weekends when we could go out or play outside. Both kids are wearing jackets, sweaters, and boots. All these lovely summer outfits we brought from India have been left unworn. Still, floods have not touched us. The central parts of the UK have been flooded badly. We were not.

Failed terrorist attackes did not affect us in any way. I hope it quets down by October, when we suppose to travel for our vacation.

On Sunday we went to Woburn Safari Park. It is the closest of safari parks - only one and an half hours drive. It is a first dry weekend this summer. It has been raining since mid-May and we've been looking forward to an opportunity to get out of the city. It is also our first trip since we actively started potty training Big Munchkin.

From the potty training perspective the trip was a success. We did not have any accidents. The driving part of the safari part was also quite good, but overall it fell short of other two safari parks. Longleat was by far the best. Lympne Park had great walking part. Woburn was nice, but it did not justify all the hype.

Big Munchkin refused to go to her first ballet class today. I guess, it is OK. I never force her to go to any of the classes. She really wanted to learn ballet, just like Angelina Ballerina, but when we got to the ballet school she refused to go to the class. I'll try again after summer vacation in September.

Her schedule for next term is beginning to take shape. On Monday both kids are going to have a music class. It is a rather unstructured class, which looks more like a playgroup, but Little Munchkin likes it. So, I decided to take both of them there. On Tuesday, Big Munchkin is going to continue with her gymnastics class. She already passed first two pre-school levels. From September she will be going to that class by herself. For the duration of her class I am going to take Little Munchkin to the soft play centre in the same building. On Wednesday, she will continue with her Chinese language class. I am not very keen on that class as there is nothing to occupy Little Munchkin while she is inside, but Big Munchkin really likes it. She specifically asked for this class to continue. On Thursday, I am waiting for conformation for her tennis class. Hopefully, the school will have enough 3-4 year-old kids to open a class for them. If not, she will have that day off. On Friday, there is a French language class. She is still on a waiting list. I hope she'll get it. It would be very convenient for me as this class in very close to our house. On Saturday, she will continue with her swimming classes. I am trying to arrange swimming classes for Little Munchkin at the same time. I should know by the end of July if he gets it. The ballet class can be scheduled either on Saturday after swimming or on Friday if she does not get into French.

So far, Little Munchkin has been signed up only for the music class and , tentatively, swimming. I ma thinking of adding a Tumbletots class as well. It is a kind of climbing and running class for toddlers. On the the differences in personalities between Little and Big Munchkin is their attitude towards organized activities - Big Munchkin loves classes. Little Munchkin does not. Only now Little Munchkin is starting to enjoy group activities. I don't want to overload him as it might have an opposite effect. On the contrary Big Munchkin loves organized activities. She loves uniforms, other kids, teachers, etc. She really needs at least one activity a day to stop her from getting bored.

She is also very good at painting. I think she inherited something from my mother - love of gymnastics, swimming and painting. Those two portraits of me and of my husband where done even before she turned three.

Last week exercise was hard. I really don't have time to write an update every day. Hopefully, those wondering about all that spare time stay-at-home mothers have would review their perceptions. In fact, last week was not typical. I had very few errands and no personal appointments. With lots of food left from the party I did not have too cook for three days. That is a very rare occurrence. With kids being sick we missed most of the playgroups and play dates that we would normally attend. I actually had time to go and have lunch with my husband. It is a once in three months event.

It was an easy week. Even then, the life of a stay at home mother is full of boring routine, tedious tasks that cannot be avoided. Life is all about changing diapers, cooking, cleaning, washing, ironing, and other 'glamorous' activities. There is a reason why so many mothers suffer from depression.

Day 7: Sunday

I did not go to sleep till after midnight. Totally my fault. I should not have watched so much TV.

I woke up late - at 6.50 a.m. My OH half got up at 5 with Little Munchkin and decided to let me sleep in. I went to gym. I missed last two days, so I really had to go today.

I came back at 8.50. Kids already had breakfast and were ready to go to the playground. Every Sunday morning we take them to the Indoor Playground. It is a three floor massive building, with few soft play areas, carousel, cafe and an electric cars area. We bought an annual membership for both kids and now we take them there at least every weekend.

Kids played there till 11.30. After that we drove to the Indian restaurant in the East part of London. Kids love south Indian food - Little Munchkin had a big portion of idlies and Big Munchkin had a dosai.

On the way home my OH dropped me off at a local shopping centre. I wanted to do a bit of shopping without anyone screaming at me. I came home at 15.30.

We took kids swimming at our gym. They both loved it. It is another activity that we try to do every weekend.

We came back at 5 pm. I cooked dinner - typical British fish pie - and around 6.30 we fed the kids. It is way too late and they we starving. It surely improved their appetite. After that we put them to sleep. They did not have a bath at home since they did have a shower at the pool.

They were asleep by 8 pm. My OH went to gym. I did my usual clean up routine - clean the kitchen, wash dishes, moved a load of laundry from the washer to the basket, moved a load from the washer into the drier, put another load into the washer, took out garbage. After I finish this blog, I have to iron. As usual I've been procrastinating, so this picture is my entertainment for tonight.

Wish me luck ...